With the passing of my last loving grandparent, I have been thinking about the grandparents I had and how amazing they were, specifically my step-grandmother. She was a Proverbs 31 woman through and through. I never remember her complaining, being tired, losing her patience. She was always calm and warm. It's the only way I can describe her, warm. I don't remember her being particularly cuddly or affectionate but she was warm. She always had a smile on her face and peace in her eyes. Growing up, her and my grandfather used to take us camping in their camper to a few different places a year and it gave me some of the best memories I have ever had. As an adult, I look back at those times spent with her and think, how? She was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy when I was a young child and when I was 10 she passed away. I never remember her complaining about feeling ill or tired. I do remember finding her "special" bra and some of her wigs, a definite way to freak out an 8 year old. "Mom, why are grandma's boobs in her bra when she takes it off?". But never once a complaint. Even on her death bed, when the morphine would wear off and she came out of her drug induced haze, she would cry out in grief over the passing of her daughter. She relived that moment over and over but not once did she have any self-pity or complaint against God. As a teenager and young adult, I was pretty certain that I would never allow my child to see someone they loved in such agony and turmoil. But as a mother of two, and now a "cancer" patient, I realize that had I not seen her in the end stage of her life, I wouldn't have the appreciation for who she was exactly. She was the living definition of grace and love. She was the most godly woman I have ever met and I want to be like her. I don't want to live a life of self-pity or self-indulgence. I want to live a life, that even on my sickest day, points to Him. Two nights in a row the dinner time prayer was "Thank you for giving my wife the energy to cook this fantastic meal." His prayer of thanks, as silly as it sounds, spoke to my soul that maybe, just maybe, I am like Grandma E, and maybe just maybe, I am doing something right. I pray that even though I might be having a rough day, I might being feeling down or just worn down, that His spirit will shine through and that is what people see.
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