It's Gotta Be....

Give me rules,

I will break them.

Show me lines,

I will cross them.

I need more than

A truth to believe.

I need a truth that lives,

Moves and breathes,

To sweep me off my feet....

...Give me words,

I'll misuse them.

Obligations,

I'll misplace them.

'Cause all religion

Ever made of me,

Was just a sinner

With a stone tied to my feet.

It never set me free, it's gotta be,

More like falling in love,

Than something to believe in.

More like losing my heart,

Than giving my allegiance.

Caught up, called out,

Come take a look at me now.

It's like I'm falling,

It's like I'm falling in love....

"More Like Falling in Love"~ Jason Gray

As I was driving home Monday night this song came on the radio and I just sat and digested the words that Jason Gray was belting out. And it hit me. HARD. Even though I know and believe it's grace that has set me free, I often (more times than I'd like to admit), TRY. If I DO this, than I am better. If I SAY this, I am stronger. I am more faithful. I am THAT much better. YES, I am just so GOOD.
Then, I fail. I epically fail. I am SOOO NOT GOOD. I am not stronger. I am NOT more faithful. I am PAINFULLY NOT good, stronger or faithful. I am "just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet".
Thankfully, gratefully, I have been given grace. I have not been required anything but to accept who HE is, acknowledge that I can't but HE can, and to take His love and give it freely .
The victim of the cross became the victor of the resurrection.
For that, I am eternally grateful.

8 years....

Eight years ago today, I met the person I was to spend my life with. 18 year old me never would have thought the night that we met, (which wasn't exactly the sweetest of meetings thanks to yours truly), that we would start dating the following week, get engaged two months later, and have a baby 10 months later. If someone would have told me that night that Homie was THE ONE I would have laughed in their face. And now...8 years later, he is my absolute best friend in the world. It was a rough start, a rough few years, rougher than any one can imagine, and yet, here we are 8 years later, going on 7 years of marriage. We can finish each others sentences, laugh at each others nonsense, tell each other (lovingly) to shut up when needed (ok so he needs to say it to me about 100x more than I ever need to say it), and we can just sit in silence and be content. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me was from a man sitting at my parents dinner table, all gruff and rough, "No matter how broke you are, no matter how tired you are, no matter how busy you are, go on dates. Take an hour or two and just be alone. No kids. Just you and him. That's how it works." It took us 4 years to go on our first weekend alone and 7 years to go on our first REAL date. I wish I would have taken that advice sooner but thankful that I did. Now the only problem is, I would like to ditch the kids a little more often and be alone with the man. But that's a good problem to have. So, thank you Mr. "Goldman" for that piece of advice. It was a good nugget of information and I cherish it. Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate someone else, but secretly, he and I will be celebrating us and the divine intervention that has kept us together. I pray that in 8 more years, he will still be my best friend. After all, marriage is something you work at, everyday, because divorce is not an option and really, who wants to be married to someone they can't stand? That's not fun! If I'm going to be stuck with him, I might as well like him! :)

But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine

Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for awhile,

We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years,

We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time.

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy,

Don't give up on me baby.

"For The First Time" ~The Script

Everything is fine...

It has been a month to the day since I last posted, and a crazy month it has been. The only thing I can really say is, everything is fine. Bubbie's surgery went well and he is fine. The move went well with only needing to saw our box spring (thank you Friend for staying extra long and helping my homie with that), and our bed is now fine. The dog is fine. The cat is fine. The dog is terrified of the cat which is COMPLETELY fine. Work is fine. The kids, the husband, myself...all fine. Really. Nothing extraordinary. Nothing is exciting or awesome or amazing. Nothing is terrible either. Just fine. Which makes me wonder....when is the storm going to start??? I'm just waiting for something beautiful.

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep,

I feel the waves crashin' on my feet.

It's like I know where I need to be,

But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out,

Just how much air I will need to breathe,

When your tide rushes over me.

There's only one way to figure out,

Will you let me drown, will you let me drown?

Hey now, this is my desire,

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautful

To touch me, I know that I'm in reach,

'Cause I am down on my knees.

I'm waiting for something beautiful,

Oh, something beautiful.

And the water is rising quick,

And for years I was scared of it.

We can't be sure when it will subside,

So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side.

Hey now, this is my desire,

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful

To touch me, I know that I'm in reach,

'Cause I am down on my knees.

I'm waiting for somethng beautiful,

Oh, something beautiful.

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this.

I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.

When I wake up, I know I will have,

No, I still won't have what I need.

Oh, something beautiful.

"Something Beautiful"~NeedToBreathe