I call your bluff, Busy Ladies.

"I'm so busy."
"I would love to get together for a cup of coffee, but we are SO.BUSY right now."
"We love you guys, let's get together."



I hate these statements. Absolutely positively despise them. Maybe because I am (as much as I despise the term), a people person. I love people. I love being around people. I love coffee dates. I love wine dates. I love just being around people. Yes, I do certainly have days when I just NEED.TO.ALONE. That's healthy. If you aren't ever ok with being by yourself, well then that's a whole different blog. But to me, those three statements (and statements like them), wound my soul. Maybe one of my love languages is "Time". Maybe I am just a severely co-dependent person. Maybe I was a Labrador retriever in a past life* and just need to be around my "pack". I DON'T KNOW! BUT! I feel as though a huge problem in a woman's life and American families in general is BUSYNESS. Yes, we all have busy seasons. The man and I were just lamenting on when did we become grown-ups and when did our calendar get so full? When did we actually have to start relying on a calendar?! But, we intentionally plan things with friends. Even if it is two months out, we put it in the calendar. My husband's birthday was over a month ago but we are going out with my parents in two weeks for it. Even though it wasn't an immediate celebration, it wasn't forgotten, and it was intentionally planned. In today's busy world, that's what we need to do.
Lately, I have been STRUGGLING with the lack of reciprocation from others. Unfortunately, people who just "love us" don't reciprocate the extension of friendship. Oh sure, if I contact and plan, they are all about it. But where is the reciprocation? When does it become a two way street? That to me is mind boggling. If I can make time and open my home up to you (and in turn, my heart), why doesn't it happen back? I know there are relationships where there becomes the "hang out" house. Yes! PLEASE! My house is always open as the hangout house. But I'm not going beg people to continue to come over because that's how it feels. Invite yourselves. I love hosting. My door is always open. Use it. If we are that good of friends, it shouldn't be a one way street. I'm burned out from trying to play the planner. Friendship is two hands extending towards each other. I'm not Stretch Armstrong. My arm is starting to dislocate from it's socket and it hurts.
Yes, everyone has different views of friendship. Yes, everyone is busy. But I do believe that you make time for those you love. I came across this blog post on Pinterest the other day and it SCREAMED to my soul. I'm clearly not the only one who feels this way.

How To Be A Good Friend

"Again, busy-ness gets in the way of this but I find that a few hours with a friend each week does wonders for my soul. Just this week I went to a birthday dinner for a friend. I was SO tired and had so much to do that I almost backed out. But I went and was uplifted and laughed and was so glad that I took the time to go- and my friend was happy, too!

Being intentional is important here. Busy women aren’t usually going to “accidentally” spend time together. We’ve got to make time on our calendars, reach out to our friends, and make it happen! It used to bother me (and admittedly sometimes still does) that I do the majority of the initiating of seeing my friends, but I know now that it’s probably just because they’re busy that I don’t hear from them, not because they don’t want to see me. (At least I hope! )"

 

 

This woman speaks to my soul. Oh my goodness, deep down to it. I have typed and deleted and typed and deleted because I don't want to offend anyone with my views of friendship. But at the same time, want to wake people up. Spending real time with real friends is what we (especially women) were designed to do. We are RELATIONAL people. We were created by Him that way. I really believe Satan is using our own busyness to distract us from meeting the needs of those closest to us. Being a good friend is being intentional with your time towards your friends. People who are like me, who crave that time, eventually stop making the effort towards people who claim busyness as their armour. And it is PAINFUL for us. I was actually told the other day from someone that they would love to have a cup of coffee with me but they are SO busy they just don't have the time. Well you know what? I call your bluff Busy Ladies. I CALL IT! Get off the phone. Get off of Facebook. Get off of Twitter. Get off of Instagram. Remember when you used to meet for coffee? Remember when dinner was fun with friends? Yeah. NOTHING beats communal face-to-face friendships. Jesus broke bread with his homies, why aren't we? Why are we too busy? What has changed? Are we so busy serving Jesus we forget that Jesus gave us PERFECT examples of friendship in the Bible? 

Ecclesiastes 4: 8-11

There was a man all alone;
    he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
    yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
    “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
    a miserable business!

⁹ Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?

 

 

 

Don't allow your busyness get in the way of what friendship truly is. If you fall down, there will be no one to help you up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I do not believe I was a dog. It's humor, people.