I need G.A....

Germaphobes Anonymous. Yes, that's right. I am a straight up Lysol wipe carrying-shopping cart disinfecting-germaphobe. At some point during the past year, probably around Bubbie's 4th or 5th ear infection, I became a Class-A germaphope. I can't stop myself. I find myself carrying a baggie with Lysol wipes in my purse so I am always prepared to disinfect whatever surface the Bubs is going to touch. This is the complete opposite of how I was with the Dude. You're kid has a cold? No sweat. That crusty highchair? Whatever, he is SITTING on it, he has a layer of clothing between him and the half-eaten cheerios. And that kid? Yeah, he got sick ONCE as a baby. He had bronchitis and a double ear infection at 11 months old. That was it. He did get the occasional cold but nothing else. He was a healthy child. It's even more mind boggling because he has an auto-immune disorder. So, wouldn't he have gotten sick all the time? Nope. But Bubbie. Ugh. He has been sick since he was 3 weeks old and was on the verge of RSV. I used to be one of those people who would snicker inside when I saw someone wiping down whatever surface their child would touch. I would think 'Lady, you're crazy. Build that child's immune system.' Oh dear sweet ignorance. This is my apology to that mother. That mother who has most likely spent countless hours with a sick baby. A baby that once didn't get disinfected every time he left the house but now needs to. I apologize for my nasty, superior 'tude toward you. I now realize the necessity of Lysol wipes and anti-bacterial hand gel.
This Friday, Bubbie is getting tubes in his ears. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can lay off the Lysol and not worry so much about the tiniest cold. Until then, I would appreciate it if the local grocery stores will continue a well-stocked disinfectant aisle.

Moving....

We are officially in the throes of moving. We are only moving about 11 miles away and yet, I am completely exhausted. Not that I am doing any hard labor. I am doing all the "business" aspects...securing the truck, the permits, informing utilities to stop/start billing us. (I'd just like to interject that it is completely ridiculous that you need a permit to move into a place and move out. Really? REALLY??) My husband has done ALL the packing except for my half of the closet. He is patching holes and touching up walls here, while ripping down wallpaper and painting there. Did I mention he is still getting up at 4:45am to go to work and taking care of the boys while I'm at work? Yeah, he's pretty amazing. The question that remains in my mind is, why am I the tired one? Why am I so exhausted? I have done nothing labor intensive. I have been going about my normal day to day life with the exception of walking around a box or two and NOT looking at the mess.

Today actually starts day 1 of getting Bubbie to nap in his Pack-and-Play. He hasn't done it since last September and didn't do it well then. I am trying to make him used to it now because he and his brother will be sleeping at my parents house the weekend of the move. Now, this little bubbie is not as flexible as his big brother was. He is more intense and just, well, intense. He lets you know HE is HERE (I don't know where he got that from) and if he wants a toy or attention, he has no qualms about smacking you to get that toy or attention. (We do not tolerate this behavior.) He is a sweet and loving little boy who wants it his way at all costs. (I've really never met anyone like him.*insert sarcasm*) His brother was not so high strung. He was more of a cuddler who would be deeply wounded every time he was told "No". So, while I am grateful of grandma's offer to take both boys from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, I am terrified of the "We are NEVER doing THAT again". Which is why he is being trained to sleep in his Pack-and-Play. Hey, at least he will be well rested while beating up his brother at parent's house. :)

Woof Woof

Yesterday was a hard day. Past negatives were popping up all around me and I just couldn't shake the feeling of failure. Failures that shouldn't have a bearing on me anymore yet some times in the absolute silence of the day, they creep up from the darkest recess of my soul and grab at me.

Now today, I'm listening to the soundtrack of a 14 month old bark at pictures of a cat (all animals bark currently), and I realize, those failures are what brought me this little creature. Had I not made the mistakes, I wouldn't have the marriage I have today, the friends I have today, and this crazy little boy who thinks every animal barks and every toy with wheels is a car that says "rooooooom".

Grace is sufficient for me. And my husband and children are proof of that grace. Thank God for grace!

Well the past is playing with my head,
And failure knocks me down again.
I'm reminded of the wrong,
That I have said and done,
And that devil just won't let me forget.

In this life,
I know what I've been.
But here in your arms,
I know what I am.

I'm forgiven.

Yesterday was a waste of a day. Instead of relying on the One who can take them away, I fell deeper. Not anymore. Because while I was focusing on the PAST, I wasn't living the PRESENT. So today, I will live in today. Not yesterday, not 5 years ago, but today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not 5 years from now. Just today.

Teach me to number my days,

And count every moment,

Before it slips away.

Take all the colors,

Before they fade to gray.

I don't want to miss,

Even just a second more of this.

It happens in a blink.

It happens in a flash.
It happens in the time it took to look back.

I try to hold on tight,

But theres no stopping time.

What is it I've done with me life?

It happens in a blink.

When it's all said and done,

No one remembers how far we have run.

The only thing that matters,

Is how we have loved.