New Year, New You

I hate New Years. I hate the resolutions. I hate the staying up to watch a giant ball drop, just to say it's a new day, a new year, new hope, new, new, new. I hate it. Mostly because I buy into every year, and every year I disappoint myself. I make resolutions only to have them broken in a matter of days and then beat myself up for breaking them. So instead of ridiculous resolutions, I am making goals for myself this year. I realize I will not change over night. Or will I? After all, it's a new year and I'm not going to be cranky no matter how little sleep I got, right? Sure, then it's 3am, I have been asleep for 2 and a half hours and hear a blood curdling scream through the monitor. Then it's 7:20 and I have 40 more minutes to sleep and I hear "Mommy, let me show you this awesome lego comic that came with my Lego Star Wars magazine." Now, I haven't had my coffee yet and I hear "Hmmm, I could really go for some eggs right now." Combine the lack of solid sleep, the zero caffiene intake, and the wonderful horomones my Dr. has me on for the next couple of months and I am just a ball of joy aren't I?? RESOLUTION NUMBER 1, BROKEN. Not only is it broken, but it is destroyed before the new year could even start.
So this year, I decided not to make drastic changes over night but small little ones. And because I know you care so much, here they are.
1. I will not throw a fit (throwing covers, forcefully getting out of bed and opening the door and loudly proclaiming "Don't worry, I got it") when the baby wakes me up out of a deep sleep. Instead, I will calmly and quietly do it and if I truly am that exhausted, I will nicely ask the bed warmer next to me to please get him this time. And if I do throw a fit, I will apologize first thing in the morning.
2. I will read more and watch a little less TV. Because really, I don't know you personally Mario Lopez. You're baby is cute but come on, do I need to really know the details of your life? Probably not.
3. I will accept that I am human, I do make mistakes, I can't change yesterday, but can make today better.
4. And lastly, if I want that cookie, I'm going to eat it and not feel guilty.

These may seem juvenile, but they are my goals. They are not unattainable, ridiculous things that I am going to fail at over night. They are a work in progress, because I am a work in progress.

Maybe Redemption Has Stories To Tell....

Last night, I was watching a program on our local Christian station. It was about the world's view on Christians and Christianity and how Christians prefer to be right rather than loving. It probably wasn't the best show to be watching right before bed, as opposed to LOST which makes me have nightmares all night about a soaking wet, presumably dead, kid standing at the foot of my bed telling me to be quiet. But I digress. This show, which I never caught the name, was pretty intense. It was definitely a show that made you stop and think. Personally, I didn't like most of what it made me think. The thought process it made me go through, made me realize, WOW I am pretty bad at this whole 'Christian' thing. I profess His name while needing to be right all the time. I will get into arguments and disagreements over Biblical standpoints. I have done things, with the right intentions, but with the wrong course of action. I have hurt people, when I'm supposed to be loving them.

So, what am I supposed to do with that? How do I make things right? Where do you draw the line between being loving and being a doormat? Seriously, answer me and give me suggestions because I really want to know. I have been struggling with this for a while now, and I still can't wrap my head around it.

Dare You To Move

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

[Chorus]
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

[Chorus]

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe it is all right there in that song. It really is all about the tension between who you are and who you should be. That is quite possibly the answer. Being a Christian means to be SAVED BY GRACE. How can people who don't know grace truly give grace? Christians are human, humans make mistakes. We can't carry the weight of the world on our backs, we can only lift off of the floor and start again.

This Is Where The Healing Begins

A friend of mine said that they believe "If you have made it to your 30's and don't have any emotional baggage, then that scares me. It means you haven't lived." Do I agree? Not really. Everyone has a past, everyone has baggage. Whether it is a cute Louis Vuitton or a Samsonite duffel bag, most people have baggage. Does it scare me if someone doesn't? No. If you don't have baggage, be thankful. Baggage weighs on you, it crushes you, it breaks you. Have you ever lugged around a 20 pound bag in an airport? It isn't too bad for the first 10 minutes, a little annoying but not too painful. After an hour, your muscles are cramped and sore and you just want it to be gone. Then, you check your luggage at the counter and go on your merry way. Emotional baggage isn't so easy to 'check'.
As Christians, we have the option to check our luggage. We have a friend who not only wants to help carry it, but wants to completely take the load off of our backs. So, why do we fight it? Why do we continue to lug it around? Why do we allow it to rule us? You may go days or weeks without a thought about things you have done, people you have wronged, or people who have wronged you. Then it is there. You are minding your business, driving down the highway on a bright sunny day, listening to your favorite song on the radio, when it pops up. The pain is there, the panic you feel. You aren't proud of it, you want to crawl and hide. Then you hear a voice that says, "It's ok. Why are you feeling that way? What are you thinking of? If I don't remember, why do you?"
Someone is always there for you, waiting to carry your baggage, to free you. Why, why do you insist on carrying it yourself? I struggle with this. I struggle with a past that I hate, but I refuse to let the darkness cover His light. I KNOW that I am WASHED, I am JUSTIFIED, I am SANCTIFIED through Jesus Christ.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

"And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." 1 Cor 6:11



This Is Where The Healing Begins- Tenth Avenue North

Let me introduce myself....

First and foremost, I am not a writer. I am strictly writing this blog to prove that I am not, nor ever will be, a writer. Even at the age of 25, I am still trying to prove my parents wrong. I am horrible at grammar and though I know how to spell, and actually enjoy spelling, I am usually too tired to do anything but write words phonetically. I am missing keys on my keyboard which will just make my grammar more pitiful than it already is. And though, as previously stated, I know how to spell, I still make up my own words just to get my point across.
I am not witty, I am quite lame. I have no real hobbies. At one point in my life I used to read, at least two books a month. Now, I have resorted to spending countless hours on Facebook. If I haven't chased you away yet, just wait until I start writing on this thing. I will lose my followers sooner than I gained them.